The best and worst romantic movies and TV shows, according to relationship experts

Why it’s unhealthy: The relationship at its centre is almost radioactively toxic

‘It really shows how two people’s toxic ideas about themselves can reinforce each other, creating a kind of co-dependency hall of mirrors where your own delusion is supported by the other person’s delusion. The two inflated egos back up each other, so all the fragility that’s hidden underneath a big ego never gets addressed as they stay in their shared fantasy. Hence the folie à deux.’

Anouchka Grose, psychoanalyst and writer

Why it’s unhealthy: No one should want their other half to be a knight in shining armour.

‘Why is it up to Johnny to say, “Nobody puts Baby in the corner?” Why does it take a man to rescue a woman? What about Baby herself? The storyline implies she’s going to be constantly dependent on him for whatever is to come in life. But you can’t and shouldn’t expect your partner to solve your problems or be there for you every single moment.’ 

Gurpreet Singh, Relate counsellor and psychotherapist

Why it’s unhealthy: The likelihood of finding your soulmate in a bookshop is virtually nonexistent.

‘The chances of literally bumping into your ideal soulmate is unrealistically romantic. People watch movies like “Notting Hill” and think it’s going to happen when it’s the right time. That’s a myth. It just doesn’t happen like that. You shouldn’t sit back and wait for “The One”. You actually have to be proactive to find a soul mate and a partner. Sometimes you need to tackle it like finding a job. You have to put time and effort into it.’ 

Jo Barnett, dating coach

Why it’s unhealthy: No one can know the truth about a relationship by looking at it from the outside

‘Things are not always they seem regarding relationships, and especially marriages, when viewed from the outside. Looking at a couple on social media can give a false representation of how another couple functions, and the reality of their situation, so it’s best to focus on your own life and relationships.’

Jo Barnett, dating coach 

Why it’s unhealthy: You’re unlikely to meet someone who builds a house with his own hands as an expression of their true love.

‘Noah restores a house for Allie. He writes letter after letter waiting for her. They die holding hands. Talk about idealised love! If you believe in it you start to think: I shouldn’t settle for less. But most average couples are nothing like that. We are humans, we are fallible. Love is imperfect because we are.’ 

Gurpreet Singh 

Why it’s unhealthy: Real-life relationships are about the long haul.

‘Who is that prince in the woods? What makes him an ideal partner for Snow White? She has never seen or spoken to him, but he’s the love of her life? Fairytales stop where the real story should start. It’s never about how a relationship matures. It’s never about comfortable relationships with a real connection. It’s about the exciting bit, the huge fireworks. It makes couples think that is the most fulfilling thing in life when it’s not.’ 

Goedele Liekens, clinical psychologist, sexologist and UN Goodwill Ambassador

Why it’s unhealthy: No one should have to change for their partner.

‘Sandy has to completely transform for Danny to become interested in her. Why should she have to become someone else? Why does Sandy really want to be with that person anyway? Opposites do attract but what’s left once they get past the sexual attraction? If you’ve got shared values things are likely to last. If it’s purely physical, it will quickly fizzle out.’ 

Gurpreet Singh

Why it’s unhealthy: Relationships don’t work just because you have a lot in common.

‘This is one of the most boring films about love I’ve ever seen. No one in it has any good ideas about what love is or how to do it. The idea that love relies solely on mutual sameness – on both partners having a limp or nosebleeds – is dumb. Even the people who design dating sites know it’s not really about that. In love, you have to be agile and inventive.’ 

Anouchka Grose, psychoanalyst and writer